Wild-Heart.net

For those of you, and I know there are quite a few of you, who end up here after searching for information about parenting a schizoaffective child. I realize you won’t find a whole lot of information here, just as you won’t find a much anywhere on internet. It’s a lonely diagnosis to deal with as a parent. If you are interested in an online forum for parents such as us, please, don’t hesitate to use the contact form. The link is on the right and up top. Let me know. If there is enough interest, I’ll install a private forum for us to have a place to gather and share what information we do know from our children’s doctors and the scant information that is available online. I hope all is well in your lives and that you, your child and families may eventually find peace in dealing with disorder that has such an awesome ability to wreck so much havoc in our lives, especially if there is one or more co-morbid diagnosis involved. Don’t let it all overwhelm you, click the link to the contact form and let’s see what we can do together.

After my own music collection Rick Rolled me a little bit ago, it then surprised me with this song. Talk about immediate flashbacks of awkward High School dances with the dread slow dances. This was the slow song that never seemed to end. The song for the dance in which you realized you really did like the guy you were dancing with or that he was a right bore and you would rather be anywhere but there more than you had the whole night and started thinking of nice ways to break up with him without hurting his feelings.

Most of my generation doesn’t have an appreciation for Hip-Hop or Rap genres. You can blame Boy #2, or you can blame R. Kelly switching from R&B to Hip-Hop in the late 90’s. Doesn’t matter. Back to the artist for today… Lupe Fiasco. Check his Wikipedia page before you watch the video below. The song has been in my head for days. Lupe nails the struggle for so many young men in bad situations and neighborhoods, not just Houston, in this song. I see it here in Macon just blocks away from my home. My boys go to school with several young men who are praying for their music to save them and get them out of this town. If you want to hear more, look for his song “Dumb it Down.” It’s more of an example of what Lupe is trying to do with his music. This one here is more of a ballad, if you will.

It was long, yet not long enough. We arrived late and it was already drizzling. There are a couple of short videos added to the collection on the Videos page (link on the right or the button up top). Has my son changed since in his first 3 weeks at Youth Challenge? I think so. It’s easier to tell in his letters and his phone calls than it was from our visit yesterday. After about an hour of indulging in sugar and caffeine, I really didn’t get much of a chance to visit with him as he was hyper and all over the place. For him it was a day of freedom. He was able to listen to music for the first time in 3 weeks and have a few hours of unrestricted time. I heard many words of praise from his Cadre, Sergeants and various other staff members. It was a good day. Even though we had to leave early due to my back going out. Didn’t seem to phase him, though. He was too hyped on Mt. Dew and the excitement of getting to do the repelling tower again with his buddies. I think I miss him twice as much now. *sigh*

And I could use a little help finding it. Perchance one of you might have it tucked away in your recipe box. If so, I don’t know how I could repay you but I’ll come up with something! The recipe is for Peanut Butter Bars. I originally found the recipe 7 years ago on AllRecipes.com. I’ve been through every single peanut butter recipe on that site in the last two weeks and have yet to recover it. I used to have a notebook filled with all of my families favorite recipes. It seems to have grown feet and walked away. Back to the recipe. There is no oatmeal in this one, nor is there chocolate of any variety, however, they do have the consistency of a chewy brownie after they are baked. The first part of the recipe calls for the peanut butter, butter/margarine, and sugar to be slowly melted together in a sauce pan and allowed to cool before stirring in the eggs and flour. I don’t remember if there is vanilla extract in the recipe or not.

Why, you may ask is this recipe so important? And why and am I in such a desperate rush to find it? As you might recall, Boy #1 is attending National Guard Youth Challenge. This Saturday is Family Day. We are allowed to bring them treats and favorite foods from home. All he really wants is two things, these Peanut Butter Bars and a McDonald’s cheeseburger. The later because, “Momma, I’m so sick of canteen food. It’s not bad but it’s not good either. I know you’ll have to get it the night before and it will be cold, I don’t care. It will be better than any burger I’ve ate in the last month!”

Any who, if the details of the recipe that I have given have rung any bells, please, leave me a comment or use the contact form (link is on the right) and share! Meanwhile, I will try to come up with a way to reward whomever is able to accomplish this mission.

I am a farmer’s daughter so I didn’t “exactly” grow up in a small town. But I went to school in one, church in another, and worked in one, too. And Gods know I did my fair share of teenage rebellion in a small town. I’m nearly grown up now. I say nearly because I don’t think we, as humans ever stop growing up. If we do, we have limited our minds and our ability to learn and our capacity for understanding and empathy. I know how to shoot a gun. I no longer cling to my God but rather embrace several Gods.

You have insulted so many people that no one any longer thinks about your message of Hope. You see, Mr. Oboma, I am an intelligent woman and I have an odd capacity of memory and it is also has the unique ability of being a photographic memory. I remember Nixon and Johnson and Carter and Reagan and Bush. I also voted for Clinton twice and Bush once. It would have been twice had this dreaded state of Georgia not given me 5 years of grief in obtaining a state ID. I hold no party loyalty. But you are certainly no longer a potential for my vote no matter how you may appear on the ballot come this November. I find that sad. I find it sad that when I go to vote it will be a vote that is essentially a wasted vote. I may delude myself with the idea that no vote is wasted even a losing vote makes a statement. In the end, it really doesn’t.

In closing, I’d like to say, “F*ck you.” But my parents raised me better than that when it comes to addressing those who hold public office. So, I’ll just say what many others have said. You screwed up and lost a potential vote. Why? Because I was raised in a small town and just because I now live in a city doesn’t mean I have lost my roots.

At least it has him out of The Cave (aka our bedroom where his computer is located). However, I have a feeling this will just enable him to spend even more time in The Cave.

A parental tool of discipline! I wish I had thought of this earlier. In past couple of days I have discovered a way to get the children to do what they’ve been asked to do. They, just like Little Bunny Foo-Foo, get three chances, if they still aren’t behaving they get subjected to early 80’s Power Ballads. Who wouldn’t do anything to make Chicago stop singing Hard To Say I’m Sorry? Bwahahahaha! And YouTube gives me quick and easy access to such atrocities. By the time he gets to, “Hold me now,” they are apologizing, begging for me to make it stop and doing what has been asked of them. I love you, YouTube.

• Learn Sanskrit through self study
  “Children may also be able to follow the lessons, if parents are able to explain to them the meaning of the grammatical terms used in the lessons.”
  (tags: sanskrit language education)
• Hindu Primer Index

And I want to pull my hair back and scream, “I don’t want to be the queen!”

…Will I be suckered in by WalMart.com’s offer of free shipping by way of their Site-to-Store service. The waiting period is agonizingly slow. And I am being bit in the arse by my own frugality everyday that passes that I do not receive the email letting me know that my order has arrived for pick-up at my store. One part of my order left the sorting facility in SC on the 4th and its status has been listed since then as as “in route to delivery facility.” For those of you with rudimentary geography skills that know I live in middle Georgia, you might find yourself as perplexed as I am. It would seem that somewhere between South Carolina and our chosen store in Macon, there is a Delivery Facility and so far that one portion of the order has been in route to that delivery facility for six freakin’ days!

The other portion of the order is listed as having been shipped and “in route” to the “sorting facility” since the 4th. This has gone beyond ridiculous. And I can honestly say this is the first time my frugality has bitten me in the ass. I just have this gut feeling that when the items finally arrive at our store for pick-up something is going to be damaged. *sigh*

Technorati Tags: Wal-Mart, site-to-store

Most of the time, Boy #2, who is a few years and a basement away from becoming  an internet addicted, basement dweller, only leaving home to go to work at Best Buy or Circuit City…. Sorry got lost in there for a second… Anyway, most of the url’s to YouTube that he sends me are lame and of no interest to me. But this one is pure genius! I laughed until my side hurt! And there is a whole series of ‘em!

It’s been a long day. Most of it spent on the road. It has also been a difficult day. I hate that about life… The fact that sometimes the right thing to do can be so painful. I purchased him a Bible to take with him. The following is what I wrote on the dedication page:

My Dearest (name withheld),

Though we now walk different spiritual paths, know that I respect where ever this spiritual journey may lead you. Know that even now, I still turn to my Bible when my soul is troubled. For in these pages are words of wisdom that know no boundaries of religion. These 22 weeks will not be easy but never forget that I love you always and have faith in you. You can and WILL make it through!

Love always,
Mom

PS - Read Proverbs, Chapter 2 often!

I’ll leave you with our good-bye picture. It’s horrible. I have PMS & cardiac bloat and a migraine that has lingered for 3 days. Three days was long enough for me to not want to even think about putting make-up on my face. You might want to make sure it doesn’t frighten small children or pets.

Click if you want to see it big and not distorted.

My apologies for the lack of posting. It’s been quite hectic here. Keeping a sharp on Boy #1 while waiting for this coming Saturday to arrive when we deliver him to Ft. Gordon for his first day of classes at National Guard Youth Challenge whilst attempting to school Boy #2 and Baby Boy has been a challenge.

There are so many songs that pull at my Celtic heartstrings that I could share with you today. Songs that make my heart and soul long for home, that small Irish-Catholic farming community of one Church and one pub full of extended family where everyone is related to everyone in one way or another. Where they say our Great-great-grandfathers decided to settle because the land of gently rolling hills, valleys and streams reminded them of their homes they left behind in Ireland. But I couldn’t pick just one.

Since this week is so focused on Boy #1 taking a huge step to change his life for the better and will be ending with his departing from us for 22 weeks, the song that seems most fitting is Danny Boy. When Boy #1 was an infant and toddler and we happened to be at my parent’s house, if it was time him to have a nap or if he was simply fussy, my father loved to snatch him away from me, sit down with him in the rocking-recliner and very quietyly sing Danny Boy to him. It always quickly calmed him and now and then I would catch a tear falling down my fathers face as he watched his first-born grandchild slumber in his arms. They share a bond that at times has infuriated me beyond belief, one that I have tried desperately to comprehend over the last 16 years. Regardless, on this St. Patrick’s Day, my father’s second favorite holiday of the year, and this being the week that Boy #1 starts a new journey into manhood, I’m going to share Danny Boy.

Oh Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountainside.
The summer’s gone, and all the roses falling.
‘Tis you, ’tis you must go and I must bide.
But come ye back when summer’s in the meadow
Or when the valley’s hushed and white with snow,
‘Tis I’ll be there in sunshine or in shadow.
Oh Danny Boy, Oh Danny Boy, I love you so.

He made the cut! Boy #1 received his letter from National Guard Youth Challenge today informing him that he has been selected for the class starting in March at Ft. Gordon! We go to Augusta for orientation next Saturday and he reports for first day of classes on March 22. Holy Saturday. A 22 week program. At the end of which he’ll have a diploma/GED. These are all good signs in my book. He’s completely psyched and ready to go and is even looking forward to the first two weeks of the program which they call Hard Core Challenge, which from I’ve been told is similar to basic training/boot camp. It’s the two weeks that make it or break it for the new cadets and he’s not worried about it one single bit. Yay!

I found this over at Agelika’s other blog. I swear to you this is exactly how Boy#1 and Boy#2 interact with each other everyday of their lives and always have.

Sometimes I feel like a Beverly Cleary character all grown up with  her very own outrageous family in action.

Song of the day: Kid Rock - Amen

Love him or hate him. This is a good one. Say, “Amen!” (That’s right I’m a pagan and I’m posting a song titled “Amen” and I am open minded enough to enjoy it. Imagine that…)

Things are sort of falling back into a regular routine around here.  I’ve put off blogging about the trip to see the specialist at Emory because it is  rather odd for me to deal with at the moment. The good news is that the med that my local cardiologist put me on has the pulmonary stenosis back at a mild state. But she discovered that I have a 5.4cm main pulmonary artery aneurysm. Currently she is working with all of my doctors to track down the cause of the aneurysm before deciding on how best to approach correction of it. She highly suspects a genetic form of a connective tissue disorder. If this turns out to be the case then it determines the way the surgeons repair the aneurysm, they would do a wrap type of procedure instead of a graft type. In the meantime, I was told to try to remain as stress free as possible and to keep taking my anti-anxiety medications as Rx’d by my neuro-psyche.Allof the lab work for Lupus and other common connective tissue disorders and coronary artery disease came back negative. So the next step is an MRI to check for MS, which my neuro-psyche said is possible that I might have but highly unlikely to be the cause of the aneurysm as I would have to be at the end stage of the advanced-progressive type for it to be affecting my internal organs and to have caused that. (Think: Annette Funicello) and there are no signs of any type of MS being at that stage. But it’s all part of what must be done and tested for in order for insurance to cover the genetic test for the type of connective tissue disorder she thinks is running in our family and my neuro-psyche after getting into more detail about my physcial medical history and family medical history tends to agree with her.

In the meantime, trying to stay calm and mellow with 2 teenagers and a schizoaffective child and a certain other outside influences is certainly a challenge but one in which I’m attempting and the kids are finally starting to come around to reigning in their obnoxious boy-only household behavior. I’ve also updated my will, living will and power of attorney in the last week as I was told to do. “Just in case, you know.”

With all of that out of the way I’ve become aware of just how precious everyday is and I’m not going to let any certain outside influences continue to screw with my family and our peace and happiness. From now on it is gloves off when dealing with these sorts. Life is too short to spend it in a state of stress and anxiety brought on by the poor behavior of other people.

KDE4 was released yesterday. Yay! Not really. It’s lovely but still obviously not quite ready for prime time for those who like to configure their main panel. Even worse was an ATI driver update on the same day that hosed my xorg.conf. Got that straightened out.

As I recently told a friend:  I think I play with various Linux distros (read: torture myself with) is because they give me something to challenge my intellect with. Something to fuss and frett over that I can have that moment of victory that leaves me with that moment of having the feeling of, “Yes, bitch! You are mine! I won and you lost! Take that!” Life doesn’t provide me with very many opportunities to accel or conquer many problems and we all know how unappropriate those words would be if used when getting the upperhand in a parental situation. LOL

Tonight the youth minister whom voluntered to be Boy#1’s mentor for National Guard Youth Challenge is joining us for supper and paperwork. Tomorrow my sister in-law and her family will be visiting and Monday it’s up to ATL to the clinic at Emory.

Not enough hours in a day.

They started in at 04:00. We were able to ward them off until 07:00. I hope you’re all having a fabulous holiday. The following was the only good picture I was able to get of the four of the boys together.

As you can see, I wasn’t able to get them to sit down. If they would have you’d have been able to see my Cindy-Lou Who tree in all of it’s pathetic glory.

I’m taking a bit of a hiatus for the rest of the month and possibly most of January. I don’t know how much time I’ll available to blog as it will be incredibly busy once the two public school boys are back in school from their winter break. I’ll have a couple of local doctor appointments and then my local cardiologist has referred me to The Emory Adult Congenital Cardiac Clinic. That appointment falls during the second week of January and from what my local cardiologist, neurologist and internist have told me from the results of the latest echocardiogram, we can expect it to be the first of many visits to the clinic which is two hours from here.

I want to thank Kate and Slobo for all of their help in getting me started on the various paths to making money off blogging. I hope the two of you don’t feel it was all in vain. Life has been hectic to say the least and blogging has become one of those things that currently feels like a chore. Gods know I have enough chores to do away from the keyboard to worry about appeasing potential advertisers at the moment. I still read everyone linked in my blogroll and comment when I have time.

Next I want to thank my dear friend Lisa who’s book has finally hit the shelves. Not only did she send me a personally signed copy of the book but I was surprised to find myself not only listed in the Acknowledgments but also mentioned in the first paragraph of the first chapter. I’m such a sap. Those pages are tear stained. Thank you, Lisa. And of course I highly recommend the book to those just starting out with WordPress or even those just looking to brush up their WordPress skills.

And now I’ll leave you with the only Holiday song I seem to be able to stand this year. Even though I’ve taken the role of Grinch this year, I wish you all a blessed and happy holiday season and New Year.

Powered by ScribeFire.

Chelle took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!“Feels she has been unjustly and undeservedly treat…” Click here to read the rest of the results.

Always amazes me how picking colors on a screen is always so accurate in getting to the bottom of whatever is bugging the hell out of me.

I think I’ve written in the past, if not in the current archives, at least at some point in the last 7 years of blogging, that my mother had a mission to expose my sister and I to what she considered great works of literature at very young ages. Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead were read to us at some point before we were 6 and 7. Of course she left out parts she felt were to adult for our innocent minds. But Rand was there, along with Tolkien and The Bible and many others. This probably explains a lot about my own crazy brain.

As an adult I’ve gone back and read Rand’s works on my own and while I find her philosophy of Objectivism and it’s relation to Libertarianism intriguing and can see how being exposed to her works at an early age influenced who I am today, I find her writing style to be something that drives me absolutely bonkers. Reading her works as an adult I wished I could smack her at times for coming across as presenting her philosophy in a manner, that feels to me, akin to theology. For a woman/author who professed to be an atheist she sure did have a way of getting preachy. Not that I disagree with her philosophy, I simply don’t enjoy her writing style. I love to watch old interviews of her and taped lectures that she gave, I just don’t want to read her books ever again.

Which now brings me to the series of books that I am now, thankfully, nearly finished reading. The Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. When I picked up the first book in the series nearly a year ago, I knew nothing about the author or the series. I read the back cover and the first few pages and thought I’d give it a go. I really enjoyed the first two books. Then came the third and something struck a chord in me. The author was obviously a fan of Ayn Rand. I ended up at his website and sure enough, he has links to The Ayn Rand Institute and pages explaining his philosophy and how it is inspired by Rand’s Objectivism.

I spend more time reading these days than I do prattling about on the internet. By the time our homeschool day is over I am pretty much sick of looking at computer screen and once the boys are all in bed I’d rather curl up with a book and escape the stress of the day than try to come up with something entertaining and witty to put here. Goodkind’s series has been what has occupied most of my evenings since Baby Boy’s first hospitalization a year ago next month. I’m nearly done with the tenth book in the eleven book series and I want to smack the author with his ponytail. He’s not inspired by Objectivism. He’s obsessed with it. Let’s see, how do I describe this series of books… Take some Tolkien, toss in some R.A. Salvatore, a pinch of Robert Jordon and a crap load of one tragic hero who’s supposed to save the world but doesn’t know how but does know how to preach endlessly the importance of individualism and objectivism and freedom and you have the series in a nutshell. Which also leaves you with a a nutty Chelle, because I feel compelled to finish any series of books that I start.

Except for Terry Pratchett. How anyone can put him on the same par as Douglas Adams is beyond me. But then again, when it comes to British comedic-satire, I adore Adams but can’t stand Pratchett. Just as I adore many Brit-coms but never could stand Monty Python.

One more Goodkind book and I can put this series behind me. Any recommendations as to what I should sink my literary teeth into next?

Powered by ScribeFire.

Thanks to that show I had a night filled with nonsensical, seriously warped dreams of The Smurfs. I was Azriel and it was snowing and I was freezing. Woke up from the dream to find Joseph had stolen all of the covers yet again and I really was very cold and I had to pee. Just an hour before the alarm clock was due to go off. I hate Robot Chicken.

2007. I swear this year is simply trying to kick my ass to see how much I can handle.

Late Monday evening, Boy #2 woke up with a stomach ache. We assumed it was either a virus or gas as the tummy pain wasn’t localized. The stomach pain continued through yesterday but by 20:00 the pain had become localized to his right side and more severe. We could have taken him to the pediatrician’s after hours clinic but I knew if they suspected appendicitis they would send us to the hospital, the same if we went to the urgent care clinic, so we went directly to the emergency room.

We didn’t have a very long wait in the waiting room. The doctor and first year resident ordered lab work which came back with a sky high white count, so off to radiology they sent us for a CT-scan. Twenty minutes later we had the results. Acute appendicitis.  They went ahead and started his IV line in the ER and gave him some Nubain for the pain.  Then we had to wait and see if the surgeon on call and the anesthesia team would be willing to perform the procedure at that particular hospital. We had taken him to the hospital closest to home (about a 5 minute drive). It seemed that the problem was that they do not do pediatric surgeries so they first had to find out if the surgeon would do it, he asked his hight and weight (5′ 6″, 129) and said, “He’s the size of a small man, I’ll do it, let me know what anesthesia says.” At first they didn’t want to do it. So they made calls to the other two hospitals in town and nope, they couldn’t do it, they were backed up and wouldn’t be able to touch him until sometime later this afternoon at the earliest, they relented and agreed to perform the procedure where he was.

The surgeon was able to remove his appendix with the lap/scope procedure. He started at 02:00 was done in 45 minutes. Boy #2 then spent an hour in recovery before they brought him up to his room. They discharged him this afternoon at 14:00. Man, was he ready to get the heck out of there and come home. He had been ready to get home since they brought him his breakfast tray of “clear liquids only.” For the next 4 hours it was like having a grumpy old man in the room. “I want real food. I need something I can sink my teeth into. I’m sick of peeing into this jug thingy.  Can’t you talk to the nurse and tell her she HAS to let me go home now?!” Heh. He’s been resting comfortably and has had no need for the Lortab they sent him home with. Ibuprofen has been sufficient to keep his surgical pain under control.

I  thought that tomorrow we might have a day of reprieve. It doesn’t seem like it’s going to work out that way. Baby Boy and I had appointments scheduled with our neuro-shrink for Friday but his office called and asked us to reschedule for tomorrow morning. Neuro-shrink is also a forensic-shrink and he was called in for more testimony for a trial at the last minute for Friday so they had to shuffle things around.

Damn. I’m exhausted.

Why not? That’s what we’ll be doing later today. We planned this with friends almost a year in advance. While getting together with family and extended family to celebrate the official holiday is great, we got to talking about how nice it would be to have a Thanksgiving Dinner with just friends with no worries about dressing up the children or worrying about who you or your spouse might offend because we all know as much as we love our families and enjoy spending time with them, they are more easily offended than our close friends are. And gods love him, but I think when we get together with Joseph’s family he lives to say offensive things that he knows will make his mother cringe and twitch so I spend our family get togethers holding my breath hoping my children don’t act like they were raised by wolves and that Joseph doesn’t alienate his mother any further than he already has.

I’m bringing the Bob Andy pie and Pumpkin pie and the stuffing. My back and hips are currently protesting a great deal. I think it was the prep work for the stuffing that did it. I’ve yet to find in any grocery store down here, unseasoned stuffing. You know, the dried bread cubes? Everything is always pre-seasoned. That means I end up having to toast the bread and cut the cubes myself along with the other goodies that go into recipe. Too much time on my feet.

Any who… I hope y’all are enjoying your Sunday.

So, how does one celebrate Halloween when taking into consideration the needs of a child with early onset schizoaffective disorder? The difficulty arises because any sort of play involving imagination has the potential to break the barrier in his mind between reality and fantasy and the two become one. So this year, while Boy #1 is helping out at his church’s haunted house, the rest of us will be having our own little at home celebration. Ordering in pizza, having obligatory cupcakes and watching the only Don Knotts movie that I can stand to sit through. The Ghost and Mr. Chicken.

My short list of my biggest pet peeves. In no particular order. Strike that. The first one is my biggest.

• Habitual Liars.
• People who can’t keep their noses out of other people’s business.
• People who gossip.
• People who don’t flush the toilet.
• People who don’t listen to you when conversing with them and then proceed to take some sort of imaginary offense at something you supposedly said but didn’t say because they have zero clue because they weren’t really listening to begin with.
• People who do everything at the last minute.
• People 14 and over who cannot wake up to an alarm clock and get themselves ready for work or school w/out having to be constantly re-woken every 5 minutes until they are out of the door.

I’ll bet you have a list. Wanna share?