Wild-Heart.net

I am a farmer’s daughter so I didn’t “exactly” grow up in a small town. But I went to school in one, church in another, and worked in one, too. And Gods know I did my fair share of teenage rebellion in a small town. I’m nearly grown up now. I say nearly because I don’t think we, as humans ever stop growing up. If we do, we have limited our minds and our ability to learn and our capacity for understanding and empathy. I know how to shoot a gun. I no longer cling to my God but rather embrace several Gods.

You have insulted so many people that no one any longer thinks about your message of Hope. You see, Mr. Oboma, I am an intelligent woman and I have an odd capacity of memory and it is also has the unique ability of being a photographic memory. I remember Nixon and Johnson and Carter and Reagan and Bush. I also voted for Clinton twice and Bush once. It would have been twice had this dreaded state of Georgia not given me 5 years of grief in obtaining a state ID. I hold no party loyalty. But you are certainly no longer a potential for my vote no matter how you may appear on the ballot come this November. I find that sad. I find it sad that when I go to vote it will be a vote that is essentially a wasted vote. I may delude myself with the idea that no vote is wasted even a losing vote makes a statement. In the end, it really doesn’t.

In closing, I’d like to say, “F*ck you.” But my parents raised me better than that when it comes to addressing those who hold public office. So, I’ll just say what many others have said. You screwed up and lost a potential vote. Why? Because I was raised in a small town and just because I now live in a city doesn’t mean I have lost my roots.

It’s been a long day. Most of it spent on the road. It has also been a difficult day. I hate that about life… The fact that sometimes the right thing to do can be so painful. I purchased him a Bible to take with him. The following is what I wrote on the dedication page:

My Dearest (name withheld),

Though we now walk different spiritual paths, know that I respect where ever this spiritual journey may lead you. Know that even now, I still turn to my Bible when my soul is troubled. For in these pages are words of wisdom that know no boundaries of religion. These 22 weeks will not be easy but never forget that I love you always and have faith in you. You can and WILL make it through!

Love always,
Mom

PS - Read Proverbs, Chapter 2 often!

I’ll leave you with our good-bye picture. It’s horrible. I have PMS & cardiac bloat and a migraine that has lingered for 3 days. Three days was long enough for me to not want to even think about putting make-up on my face. You might want to make sure it doesn’t frighten small children or pets.

Click if you want to see it big and not distorted.

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Hope y’all have a fabulous weekend!

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My Boy #1 is home from six weeks on the farm in Iowa.

My mom is here for 10 days.

School starts in 10 days.

My 35th birthday is tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a Jamie Oliver style birthday party for thrown by myself for myself.

Every year, as the days approaching my birthday grow shorter, I go through this self absorbed introspection of my entire life. The hope is that it’s never pointless. That I can come to a better understanding of who I am and what has made me the person that I am and there is also the hope that I can point out some mistakes that I don’t want to make again. The end goal accepting that life is a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be wasted and every moment has an impact and it’s up to me in the end, how things will impact my life and view of the world. Sometimes that means facing some daemons along with beautiful moments in the past. This year, thus far, it’s been about realizing what bits and pieces of me are directly influenced and shaped by family and friends that have come and gone throughout my life thus far. This introspection won’t be finished until I am smashed and enjoying the actual birthday at the end of the month. Until then, you might be seeing more than one Song of the Day. You might get information about where those songs fit into the soundtrack of my life. Then again, you might not. I’ll always know and always remember when I hear the music.

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• This year I shall spare you all a rambling dissertation about this holiday and instead, point you over to Nealz Newz.
• The Venomous One has another new blog. One I’m going to be reading with eager interest. It’s not everyday that a Chubby Mommy blogs openly about her weight loss struggles and triumphs.
• Since February, this chubby Mommy has dropped 6 sizes and 48 lbs. Still much more to go but Joseph is loving the fact that I’m not too far away from being able to dig out the leather pants.
• Please, forgive all of the grammar and spelling errors in the post below this one. I should remember to just not post when I have a migraine.
• After 8 years of hearing about the wonder massages that my husband prides himself in being able to perform, I finally got to experience one last night. It felt a little odd to be “served” in such a way but damn if it wasn’t worth the 8 year wait!

I just found this in my referrals. Pardon me for a moment of odd pride…

Click it for full effect!

Honestly, today is the first I’ve ever seen the video for this song. This song was also the one and only song played at our wedding. I always find peace and some odd inner strength when listening to this one.

It came to mind today while contemplating the many ways in which the dynamic of the relationship between Joseph and I has changed over the last 8 and a half years we’ve known each other.

On the Saturday before Mother’s Day, Joseph and I borrowed a cargo van from his place of employment and drove up to Atlanta to get some things from Ikea. And when I say “some things,” I mean nearly a house full of furniture.

I spent two years planning and saving for this trip. During those two years of pouring over the catalogs, I frequently consulted my dearest husband about the furniture choices and why and what to expect when shopping at an Ikea and reiterated to him many times that we would have to put together most of the furniture ourselves. On the drive there, he acted like he’d never listed to any of these “conversations.” It was a trial.

Or so I thought. The real trial was when we got home and he decided to immediately begin putting together furniture. Let’s just say, I didn’t know Swedes could be called so many derogatory things. We are now 10 days into furniture building everything has been built. Except for the shelves that go above the TV bench. Those will go up once we’ve finished painting our bedroom.

The painting part should be fun. (Please note that is said with sarcasm). Joseph will be taking the 12th through the 15th off from work in order to paint the interior walls through out the house.

A dear friend once told me, “The couple that can build a home full of Ikea furniture together will be a couple who stays together.” We’ve made it through that bit but the real trial, I’m sure, will be when the OCD couple paints a house together. But it will be worth it in the end.

Song of the day. Well, this one could be song of the month. I don’t usually care for Limp Triscuit but this song has stayed with me for years now. Especially when the PMS is real bad and I become sick of having to deal with stupidity and nothing but BS.

I think that perhaps my venture into Twitter land has left me feeling overwhelmed by the sheer amount of everything about the Internet and it’s inhabitants that irritates me. I can’t let that happen when I have enough people in the “real” world to deal with on a daily basis that are stubborn and irritating. I end up being nice to people in the “virtual” world and a bitch to everyone else.

But having something to break this morning would certainly be cathartic.

Baby Boy is coming home from the hospital tomorrow. So far stopping the Depakote and starting him on Neurotin seems to be helping. He’ll have an apt. with his psychiatrist next Tuesday. We’re supposed to discuss weening him to one dose of Geodon daily, keeping him on Neurotin and adding Lithium once he’s been weened off of the Geodon or at least to just an evening dosage.

He sounds so much better now when we talk to him and he no longer thinks he can see & take people’s souls or that his family is trying to kill him. I’m telling you, a hallucinating child is a frightening and heartbreaking thing.

Boy #3 is with his mother this week and with Baby Boy being in the hospital, my nest has been half empty. It’s a horrible thing.

Love Barbara or hate her. I refuse to let her politics ruin my enjoyment of her music. This duet has got to be one of the most passion-charged of any she has ever done with anyone else. And Barry is just the epitome of early 80’s hotness.

Robert Anton Wilson Defies Medical Experts and leaves his body @4:50 AM on binary date 01/11.
All Hail Eris!

On behalf of his children and those who cared for him, deepest love and gratitude for the tremendous support and lovingness bestowed upon us.

(that’s it from Bob’s bedside at his fnord by the sea)

RAW Memorial February 07
date to be announce

The world of free thinkers will greatly miss you, Pope Bob…. I had just finished watching Maybe Logic in the wee hours of this morning. Godspeed.